some major tips on how to maintain a good relationship#(must read)

1. Do the things you did the first year you were dating.
As the months and years roll on, we tend to slink into
our proverbial sweatpants and get lazy in our
relationship. We lose our patience, gentleness,
thoughtfulness, understanding and the general effort
we once made toward our mate. Think back to the
first year of your relationship and write down all the
things you used to do for your partner. Now start
doing them again.
2. Ask for what you want.
Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so
well that we don’t need to ask for what we want.
What happens when we make this assumption?
Expectations are set and just as quickly, they get
deflated. Those unmet expectations can leave us
questioning the viability of our partnership and
connection. Keep in mind that “asking for what you
want” extends to everything from emotional to sexual
wants.
3. Become an expert on your partner.
Think about who your mate really is and what excites
him or her (both physically and emotionally). We can
become consumed by what WE THINK he/she wants,
as opposed to tuning in to what truly resonates with
the other person. Remember that if it’s important to
your partner, it doesn’t have to make sense to you.
You just have to do it.
4. Don't ask "how was your day."
At the end of a long day, we tend to mentally check
out of our lives and consequently, our relationship.
We rely on the standard question, “How was your
day?” Generally, that boring question will yield a
boring answer such as, “Fine, how was yours?” This
does nothing to improve your connection and instead,
can actually damage it because you're losing the
opportunity to regularly connect in a small way.
Instead, try asking things like, “What made you smile
today?” or “What was the most challenging part of
your day?” You’ll be amazed at the answers you’ll get,
with the added benefit of gaining greater insight into
your significant other.
5. Create a weekly ritual to check in with one another.
It can be short or long but it begins with asking each
other what worked and didn’t work about the
previous week and what can be done to improve
things this coming week. Additionally, use this
opportunity to get on the same page with your
schedules, plan a date night and talk about what you
would like to see happen in the coming days, weeks,
and months in your relationship. Without an
intentional appointment to do a temperature check,
unmet needs and resentments can build.
6. Keep it sexy.
What might change in your relationship if both you
and your partner committed to increasing the
behaviors you each find sexy and limiting those that
aren’t? Think about this in the broadest form. “Sexy”
can certainly refer to bedroom preferences, but it also
represents what excites us about our mate in our day-
to-day lives. Do you find it sexy if he/she helps with
the housework? Do you find it "unsexy" when he/she
uses the restroom with the door wide open? Talk
about what it specifically means to "keep it sexy" in
your relationship. Be amazed, be humored, be
inspired!
7. Get creative about the time you spend together.
Break out of the “dinner and a movie” routine and
watch how a little novelty can truly rejuvenate your
relationship . On a budget and can’t go big? Jump on
the internet to look for “cheap date ideas” and be
blown away at the plethora of options. Can’t afford a
sitter? Try swapping babysitting time with friends
that have kids. It’s free and they will likely be thrilled
to take your kids because they will get to take
advantage when they drop their kids at your place.
8. Get it on.
Unless you have committed to an asexual partnership,
sex, sexual contact and touching (kissing, holding
hands, cuddling etc.) are vital components of a
romantic relationship. The frequency is of course, up
to you and it's imperative that you discuss your ideas
about it in order to prevent resentment. Rare are the
moments when both partners are “in the mood” at the
exact same second, but that doesn’t mean that you
have to decline their advances. Remind yourself that
you will almost always “get there” after the first few
minutes and that an intimate interaction of any kind
builds connection and elevates your mood and health.
Bear in mind that you are never required to say “yes.”
If you truly don’t feel it, the best thing you can do is
to postpone. Just make sure that you initiate or accept
within a reasonable amount of time thereafter.
9. Take a (mental) vacation, everyday.
Life and work distractions can become paramount in
our minds and that leaves little time or energy for our
partner. Practice the art of “Wearing the Relationship
Hat.” This means that (barring any emergencies or
deadlines), we are fully present when we're with our
mate. We truly hear what they are saying (instead of
pretending to listen), we leave our distractions behind
and we don’t pick them up again until the sun comes
up and we walk out the door.
Some tips to improve communication
Sadly, we aren’t born with the innate ability to
effectively communicate but it doesn’t mean that we
can’t learn. Use the following techniques to better
navigate and limit the tension in your relationship:
10. Take "fight breaks" when you need them.
Before you’ve hit the point of no return and as you
see the stress beginning to escalate, one or both of
you can call a break so that cooler heads can prevail.
The crux of this tool lies in the fact that you must pick
a specific time to revisit the conversation (I.e. 10
minutes from now, 2:00pm on Tuesday etc.) so that
closure can be achieved.
11. Dig deep to unearth your true feelings.
In most disagreements, we communicate from the
“Top Layer,” which are the obvious emotions such as
anger, annoyance and the like. Leading from this
place can create confusion, defensiveness and
ultimately distract from the real issue. Start
communicating from the “Bottom Layer” (i.e. What
feelings are really driving your reactions such as
disappointment, rejection, loneliness, disrespect etc.).
This type of expression creates an instant sense of
empathy because it requires honesty and
vulnerability to share from this space. Tension will
dissipate and from here, solutions can spring. Just be
sure to use kind, non-reactive phrasing when
expressing these bottom layer feelings, such as “I felt
hurt by…” as a replacement for “You’re such a jerk”
etc.
12. Seek to understand ... not agree.
Easy in concept, difficult in application. Conversations
quickly turn to arguments when we're invested in
hearing our partner admit that we were right or
when we are intent on changing his/her opinion.
Choose to approach a conversation as an opportunity
to understand your significant other’s perspective as
opposed to waiting for them to concede. From this
perspective, we have an interesting dialogue and
prevent a blow out or lingering frustration.
13. Make your apology count.
It’s well understood that apologizing is a good thing
but it only makes a real impact when you mean it.
Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or
“I’m sorry you see it that way” are a waste of time
and breath. Even if you don’t agree that your action
was wrong, you will never successfully argue a
feeling.
Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place,
a real apology can have a significant impact. When
you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or
not) you can always legitimately apologize for the pain
you caused regardless of your perspective on what
you did or didn’t do.
You are now, officially armed with the comprehensive
exercise routine to fully reshape your relationship.
Trim the fat and build your hottest relationship for
life!